Stop Performing at Work Events. Start Connecting Instead.

Why vulnerability beats performance every time when it comes to building the kind of professional relationships that actually matter

Two weeks ago, I found myself at Orkin Brainswarm—the brand's annual marketing retreat—nursing a cocktail and realizing I was doing that thing again.

You know the one. Smiling a little too wide, nodding a little too much, saying the things I thought would land well instead of the things I actually meant.

It was my first Brainswarm, and I was surrounded by marketers, data analysts, and brand leaders I'd never met in person. The kind of room where everyone's accomplished, everyone's sharp, and everyone's quietly sizing up everyone else.

My instinct kicked in: perform, impress, be the version of myself that would fit.

Then a colleague from Jackson Spalding and I started talking—really talking—about how much easier it felt to just be ourselves with each other. We both knew the real value of these retreats wasn't in the presentations or the breakout sessions. It was in the conversations that happened between the formal moments. The ones where you actually connect.

That conversation became a commitment. I decided to stop curating myself for the room and start meeting people as they were—and as I was. No façade, no performance, just showing up.

Here's what I learned: in a world that often rewards performance over presence, choosing authenticity isn't naïve—it's strategic. At high-stakes events, the instinct is to polish your image and default to safe small talk. But real influence doesn't come from posturing. It comes from connection. When you lead with curiosity instead of credentials, you create space for trust to take root.

People remember how you made them feel long after they forget what you said. The data analyst who shared her biggest challenge. The brand manager who admitted he was figuring it out as he went. The conversations that started with "Can I ask you something?" instead of "Let me tell you about..."

Those moments don't happen when you're performing. They happen when you're present.

The work doesn't end when the retreat is over. The relationships you build—the real ones—become the foundation for everything that comes next.

Vulnerability isn't weakness in business. It's how alliances are built and collaboration actually works.

What would change if you stopped performing and started connecting?